Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
