That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
