Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
