Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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