he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
