its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
