Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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