They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
