I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
we should paint friendship bongs
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