I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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