i think my mom watched the whole time
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
