She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
