we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
