I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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