So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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