This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
