i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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