You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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