...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
