I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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