All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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