Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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