Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
