Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
