I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
