I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
