I just made out with a guy for $7.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
