I think my vagina is haunted
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
