She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
