he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
