Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
