i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
