you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
