i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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