Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
