I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
