So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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