I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
