just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
