Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
