Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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