Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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