Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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