dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
