what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
