and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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