Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
