somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
