if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
