If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
