I am puke
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
