sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
