This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
