Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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